My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

— Matshona Dhliwayo

I’m creating a self help show called Self Talk. I’ll insult myself for an hour then open phone lines to a fitness coach & my mother-in-law.

— Ryan Lilly

A car is like a mother-in-law - if you let it, it will rule your life.

— Jaime Lerner

I can't believe she's lived this long. God must be avoiding her.

— Brian Francis

Life - with or without softener- is hard.

— Kate Papas

Peter remained on friendly terms with Christ notwithstanding Christ's having healed his mother-in-law.

— Samuel Butler

I was thinking of murder, mutilation and dessert like Ignacia Sandoval’s instructions for delectable empanadas made of minced mother-in-law’s tongue (said to induce peace and harmony in your household), or the gonads of your cheating husband (a savory dish to add spice to your lovemaking).

— Sandra Ramos O'Briant

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

— Tim Heaton

For some reason she found that Allan Harrington's attitude of absolute detachment made the whole affair seem much easier for her. And when Mrs. Harrington slipped a solitaire diamond into her hand as she went, instead of disliking it she enjoyed its feel on her finger, and the flash of it in the light. She thanked Mrs. Harrington for it with real gratitude. But it made her feel more than ever engaged to marry her mother-in-law.

— Margaret Widdemer

On the drive up here, I saw a goose,' he says. 'A Canada goose. Fred told me they shit something horrible. They migrate between the north and the south, don't they? Like seniors.

— Brian Francis