{"quotes":[{"text":"...His knees were held together by the skin-tight trousers, which consequently narrowed the aperture through which great quantities of malodorous, rancid dreck were shortly to emerge with great force. St John knew that this was likely to prove troublesome. Although his mid-morning bab was usually undertaken in a more perfunctory manner, he would still have been mindful enough to ensure that his trousers were well below the knee before he commenced the disagreeable act, but in his current predicament, he was in no state to dally.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","satire","surreal"],"id":173,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"A picture is worth a thousand words, but the way I paint I'm going to need to contact an editor. Even if I were to abstractly paint the phrase 'I love you,' it would be the visual equivalent of Joyce's Ulysses.-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz.","author":"James Lee Schmidt","tags":["abstract","art","artist","books","edit","editor","humor","i-love-you","instagram","instagram","instaquote","james-joyce","life","literature","love","paint","painting","picture","relationships","surreal","ulysses","visual","write","writer","writing"],"id":24532,"author_id":"James+Lee+Schmidt"},{"text":"In the most surreal, the most joyful, the most beautiful, the most intense, the most alive moments of life, you are absorbed into the horizon which is at its most invisible, elusive, perfect blend of sky and sea.","author":"Connie Kerbs","tags":["alive","beauty","experience","horizon","joy","life","natural-world","surreal"],"id":27870,"author_id":"Connie+Kerbs"},{"text":"This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz.","author":"Karen Quan","tags":["centuryitis","change","family","humor","ill","illness","life","man","mom","mother","relationships","sick","sleep","sleeping","surreal"],"id":28363,"author_id":"Karen+Quan"},{"text":"On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a seven year old magistrate in order to be entered for this year’s Miss East Lancashire competition. Next door to them is a Dundee cake with a lisp.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","non-sequitur","satire","surreal"],"id":33689,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"Mandy loved the smell of a sunny day after a night of rain. The sun hit the orange puddles, the overgrown, soft, green grass on her lawn, and it beamed down through the orange steel mill smog, sending otherworldly, bizarre shadows across the concrete sidewalk.","author":"Rebecca McNutt","tags":["canada","dream","girl","nuclear","pollution","rainbow","science","smog","storm","surreal","teenager"],"id":35749,"author_id":"Rebecca+McNutt"},{"text":"In Newcastle, Kurt announced from the stage, “I am a homosexual, I am a drug user, and I fuck pot-bellied pigs,” another classic Cobainism, though only one of his three claims was true.","author":"Charles R. Cross","tags":["absurd","humour","profane","surreal"],"id":35926,"author_id":"Charles+R.+Cross"},{"text":"I bought salvation from a man on the street. He said, 'Go down to the beach and let the waves wash your feet.","author":"Gabriel Rheaume","tags":["addiction","detroit","religious","spirituality","suicide","surreal"],"id":48706,"author_id":"Gabriel+Rheaume"},{"text":"Your toaster’s a puff.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","satire","surreal"],"id":56764,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"},{"text":"St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled, which had been left on the lawn by Marmaduke, next door’s ginger cat. His father had wandered in to the garden and seen St John mesmerised by the twirling mahogany baton. “What are you doing son?” he asked.“Toasting a witch”, St John replied.","author":"St. John Morris","tags":["comedy","humour","satire","surreal"],"id":63713,"author_id":"St.+John+Morris"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":76,"pages":8,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}