Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way.

To be able to listen -- really, wholly passively, self-effacingly listen -- without presupposing, classifying, improving, controverting, evaluating, approving or disapproving, without dueling with what is being said, without rehearsing the rebuttal in advance, without free-associating to portions of what is being said so that succeeding portions are not heard at all -- such listening is rare.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

If something is said about the Raiders, I'm ready to go to war.

Before you open your mouth to say something, take a step back and imagine what you're going to say was said to you.It makes you think twice, doesn't it?

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

I've always been asked, 'What is my favorite car?' and I've always said 'The next one.'.

And what, Socrates, is the food of the soul? Surely, I said, knowledge is the food of the soul.

I said to my friends that if I was going to starve, I might as well starve where the food is good.

I would give anything to sing like Beyonce or Adele. I've said many times to my friends that if I could sing like them, I would give up poetry and writing.