{"quotes":[{"text":"And what if the other kids laugh at me?” Kerry complained to her parents as she nibbled on a piece of toast that morning. “I have a Cape Breton accent! They’ll know I’m from Canada and they’ll start asking me if I lived in an igloo or ate maple syrup, bacon and seal meat every day!”“You’re really overreacting,” Susan chuckled, sipping on a glass of orange juice. “Canada is a lot like the States and the only thing separating both countries is an imaginary boarder! If anyone laughs at you, tell them it doesn’t snow year-round, you got free health care while you were there and that you never rode a polar bear to school. Besides, do you know how many popular movies and TV shows from the States were filmed in Canada?”“It’s not just the Canada stuff mom,” Kerry sighed worriedly. “I’m from Dym, it’s an industrial dump!”“Yeah, and have you looked at Pittsburgh lately?” Susan asked. “Full of coal mines and steel mills, just like Sydney was when we lived there! I actually rather came to like the pollution, I don’t think I’d ever want to leave it.","author":"Rebecca McNutt","tags":["bully","canada","cape-breton","funny","girl","joke","morning","nostalgia","nova-scotia","parents","pittsburgh","polar-bear","school","seal","stereotype","teen","teenager","united-states","weird","wisdom"],"id":111292,"author_id":"Rebecca+McNutt"},{"text":"Apropos of Eskimo, I once heard a missionary describe the extraordinary difficulty he had found in translating the Bible into Eskimo. It was useless to talk of corn or wine to a people who did not know even what they meant, so he had to use equivalents within their powers of comprehension. Thus in the Eskimo version of the Scriptures the miracle of Cana of Galilee is described as turning the water into blubber; the 8th verse of the 5th chapter of the First Epistle of St. Peter ran: ‘Your adversary the devil, as a roaring Polar bear walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.’ In the same way ‘A land flowing with milk and honey’ became ‘A land flowing with whale’s blubber,’ and throughout the New Testament the words ‘Lamb of God’ had to be translated ‘little Seal of God,’ as the nearest possible equivalent. The missionary added that his converts had the lowest opinion of Jonah for not having utilised his exceptional opportunities by killing and eating the whale.","author":"Frederick Hamilton","tags":["creation-myths","culture","eskimo","funny","humor","polar-bear","whales"],"id":193244,"author_id":"Frederick+Hamilton"},{"text":"We know that there are many animals on this continent not found in the Old World. These must have been carried from here to the ark, and then brought back afterwards. Were the peccary, armadillo, ant-eater, sloth, agouti, vampire-bat, marmoset, howling and prehensile-tailed monkey, the raccoon and muskrat carried by the angels from America to Asia? How did they get there? Did the polar bear leave his field of ice and journey toward the tropics? How did he know where the ark was? Did the kangaroo swim or jump from Australia to Asia? Did the giraffe, hippopotamus, antelope and orang-outang journey from Africa in search of the ark? Can absurdities go farther than this?","author":"Robert G. Ingersoll","tags":["absurdity","africa","agouti","america","angels","anteater","antelope","ark","armadillo","asia","australia","bible","fable","fantasy","flood","flood-myth","funny","giraffe","hippopotamus","howling","humor","ice","journey","jump","kangaroo","knowledge","marmoset","muskrat","myth","noah-s-ark","old-world","orangutan","polar-bear","prehensile-tailed-monkey","racoon","sloth","swim","the-bible","the-flood","tropics","vampire-bat"],"id":235116,"author_id":"Robert+G.+Ingersoll"},{"text":"Fighting with tangles,fighting with curls,the poor barber yanked,the poor barber pulled,until with one last effort(and to the wonder of us all)a GINORMOUS Polar Bearlanded on the floor.","author":"Mili Fay","tags":["animals","haircut","humorous","polar-bear"],"id":426268,"author_id":"Mili+Fay"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":4,"pages":1}}