{"quotes":[{"text":"I don't even know how long she sobs. Time ceases to pass, and she cries, cries, cries. Clutches me and makes these sounds of a soul being ripped in two, the grief so long denied taking its toll. Fermented grief is far more potent.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["colton","cries","falling","falling-into-you","grief","heartbreaking","jasinda-wilder","nell","sobs","soul"],"id":2090,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["bitterness","colton","cope","coping","cutting","drinking","falling","falling-into-you","feel","feeling","fighting","grief","hurting","jasinda-wilder","music","nell","relief","words"],"id":16597,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"Let…it…go,” he whispers, his voice a fierce, harsh sound in my hair. “No. No!” The last word is screamed. “You have to. You can’t bleed it out. You can’t keep pretending, drinking it down.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["bleed","colton","cut","cutting","drinking","falling","falling-into-you","favorite","favourite","grief","jasinda-wilder","let-it-go","nell","pain","sorrow"],"id":102393,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"But we have to learn to be free. We have to, Nell. Doesn't mean happy all the time, or okay all the time. It’s okay not to be okay. I told you that, but I'm relearning it myself. But not being okay doesn't mean you stop living.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["colton","falling","falling-into-you","free","happy","jasinda-wilder","life","living","nell","okay","real","relearning"],"id":109794,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"I respect the hell out of her for how hard she’s working to be okay. I just wish she’d let me show her how to let go, how to let herself hurt. I want to take her pain.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["colton","falling","falling-into-you","grief","hurt","jasinda-wilder","nell","pain","respect","strength"],"id":117384,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"It’s not okay,” I tell her. This gets her attention; it’s not what she was expecting. “You don’t have to be okay.” “What do you want from me?” Her voice is ragged, desperate. “I want you to let yourself be broken. Let yourself hurt.” She shakes her head again. “I can’t. If I let it out, it’ll never stop.” “Yes, it will.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["broken","colton","desperate","falling","falling-into-you","fear","grief","hurt","hurting","jasinda-wilder","nell","okay","pain","sadness","suffereing"],"id":134742,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"There’s no magical healing in this. I won’t wake up tomorrow fixed and joyful. I’ll still hurt and grieve. But moments like this, with Colton? They make it all bearable. He doesn't fix me, doesn't heal me. He just makes life worthwhile. He helps me remember to breathe, shows me how to smile again. He kisses me, and I can forget pain, forget the urges I still have to cut for the pain that erases the emotions.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["bearable","colton","cutter","cutting","escape","falling","falling-into-you","fix","forget","grieve","hurt","jasinda-wilder","life","nell","pain","relief","self-harm","si","sweet","urges"],"id":147467,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"But I think you’re beautiful. You’re lovely.” I shifted uncomfortably under the intense scrutiny and prickling heat in his eyes. “Thanks?” He thinks I'm…lovely? The idea that Kyle thought I was not just hot, but lovely, sent pangs of something like fear through me, an intense pressure in my heart.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["adorable","falling","falling-into-you","jasinda-wilder","kyle","lovely","nell","quote","sweet"],"id":170725,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"Hot heart-blood leaked from my face. From my eyes and my nose and my mouth. Not tears, because those would never stop. This was just liquid heartbreak seeping from my pores.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["falling","falling-into-you","grief","heart-blood","heartbreak","jasinda-wilder","nell","strength","tears"],"id":191109,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"},{"text":"My thoughts are free to roam back to the way she leaned her head on my arm for a split second, as if wishing she could let herself go, let herself lean farther. But she didn't, and I can’t help but respect her for that, even I know her strength is false, propped up by the shaky girders of Old Man Jack. One day soon, those girders will collapse, and her world will crumble, and I know I have to be there when that happens.","author":"Jasinda Wilder","tags":["collapse","colton","crumble","falling","falling-into-you","free","jack-daniels","jasinda-wilder","let-go","nell","thoughts"],"id":211538,"author_id":"Jasinda+Wilder"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":18,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}