{"quotes":[{"text":"Don't open the door to strangers,' said her dad. 'Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.","author":"Derek Landy","tags":["awesome","brilliant","crazy","fun","funny","hilarious","hysterical","make-me-laugh","witty"],"id":15349,"author_id":"Derek+Landy"},{"text":"This isn't the first time I've used this, and the test subject showed no signs of impaired cognitive ability.'Who was the test subject?' asked Aurora.'I test everything out on myself before taking it into the field.'She stared at him. 'You zapped your own brain?'And it didn't do me any harm apart from the dizziness and the vomiting spells and the weirdly persistent ringing in my ears. Also the blackouts and the mood swings and the creeping paranoia. Apart from that, zero side effects, if you don't count the numb fingertips. Which I don't.","author":"Derek Landy","tags":["awesome","brilliant","clever","epic","funny","hilarious","humor","humour","make-me-laugh","witty"],"id":19045,"author_id":"Derek+Landy"},{"text":"Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so your.","author":"Brandon Sanderson","tags":["awesome","brilliant","dry-humor","dry-wit","funny","funny","great","hilarious","hysterical","make-me-laugh","silliness","witty"],"id":32845,"author_id":"Brandon+Sanderson"},{"text":"The door handle turned. Someone knocked, and a man's voice called, 'Uh, hello?'Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, looked back at the others, looked at Skulduggery again.'Hello,' Skulduggery said, speaking loudly to be heard over the alarm. 'Hi,' said the man. 'The door's locked.'Is it?'Yes.'That's funny' said Skulduggery. 'Hold on a moment.' He reached out, jiggled the handle a few times, then stepped back. 'Yes, it's locked. You wouldn't happen to have the key, would you?'There was a delay in response from the other side. 'I'm sorry,' the man called, 'Who am I speaking. ","author":"Derek Landy","tags":["awesome","brilliant","clever","epic","hilarious","make-me-laugh","smart","witty"],"id":34005,"author_id":"Derek+Landy"},{"text":"He things we think he's a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn't know we know he's a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really he's secretly working for them. Dexter, how's your brain?'Hurting.","author":"Derek Landy","tags":["awesome","clever","erskine-ravel","funny","hilarious","make-me-laugh","witty"],"id":37802,"author_id":"Derek+Landy"},{"text":"Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a w.","author":"Anna Banks","tags":["awesome","funny","hilarious","humorous","inspirational","make-me-laugh"],"id":55336,"author_id":"Anna+Banks"},{"text":"As it 'appens, I am Arthur's right-hand man,' said Suzy. 'Or left-hand girl, I can't remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least the thumb and the little finger. I mean, I'm his top General, and all. So if I say you're in, you're in.","author":"Garth Nix","tags":["awesome","clever","epic","funny","humor","humour","make-me-laugh","silly","witty"],"id":65736,"author_id":"Garth+Nix"},{"text":"You tried to kill me. Don't think we won't be telling that story to our kids someday,' David said.'Kids?' she asked, feeling breathless.'You heard me,' he said, eyes intent. 'At least three of them. I figure as soon as we're married we should get started on that first one.'Okay,' she said, voice shaking.'Glad that's settled. When we get back to Prague I'll get you a ring.'Okay,' she said again, her heart soaring. 'I'm going to sleep now, I think.'You do that.","author":"Debbie Viguié","tags":["awesome","hilarious","humor","love","make-me-laugh","proposal","spontaneous"],"id":70107,"author_id":"Debbie+Vigui%C3%A9"},{"text":"Once there was an elephant,Who tried to use the telephant-No! No! I mean an elephoneHe tried to use the telephone-(Dear me! I am not certain quiteThat even now I've got it right.)Howe'er it was, he got his trunkEntangled in the telephunk;The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee-(I fear I'd better drop the songOf elephop and telephong!).","author":"Laura Elizabeth Richards","tags":["clever","funny","hilarious","humour","make-me-laugh","poem","poetic","silly","witty"],"id":77316,"author_id":"Laura+Elizabeth+Richards"},{"text":"Kelsier rapped lightly on the door, and Dockson strolled over, pulling it open.'And he makes his stunning entry!' Kelsier announced, sweeping into the room, throwing back his mistcloak.Dockson snorted, shutting the doors. 'You're truly a wonder to behold, Kell. Particularly the soot stains on your knees.","author":"Brandon Sanderson","tags":["awesome","brilliant","dry-humor","funny","funny","great","hilarious","hysterical","make-me-laugh","witty"],"id":112104,"author_id":"Brandon+Sanderson"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":36,"pages":4,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}