{"quotes":[{"text":"Did those nice church ladies come by again?' He nodded. 'I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["andrea","ascanio","awesome","church","funny","hilarious","kate-daniels","threesome"],"id":28337,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Did he just rip out the engine?' I asked.'Yes', Saiman said. 'And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it.'Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.He shrugged. 'It begged for a soundtrack.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["humor","kate-daniels"],"id":46941,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"He plugged the phone into the outlet.It rang. Roman stared at it as if it were a viper. The phone rang again. He unplugged it. “There.” “It can’t be that bad,” I told him. “Oh, it’s bad.” Roman nodded. “My dad refused to help my second sister buy a house, because he doesn’t like her boyfriend. My mother called him and it went badly. She cursed him. Every time he urinates, the stream arches up and over.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["humour","kate-daniels","voron"],"id":65907,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Were you watching me sleep? Because I thought we agreed that's creepy.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["kate-and-curran","kate-daniels","sleep","watching-someone-sleep"],"id":98940,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"The vampire gagged. The muscles of its neck constricted, widened, constricted again, and it disgorged a six-inch-long metal cylinder onto my desk. The bloodsucker grasped it, twisted the cylinder’s halves apart, and retrieved a roll of papers. “Photographs,” Ghastek said, handing me a couple of sheets from the roll.“That’s disgusting.”“He is thirty years old,” Ghastek said. “All his internal organs, with the exception of the heart, atrophied long ago. The throat makes for a very good storage cavity. People seem to prefer it to the anus.”Translation: be happy I didn’t pull it out of my ass. Thank the gods for small favors.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["gastek","kate-daniels","vampire"],"id":170869,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"I turned to leave and paused before the gap in the ruined wall. 'One last thing, Your Majesty. I'd like a name I can put into my report, something shorter than typing out 'The Leader of the Southern Shapechanger Faction.' What should I call you?'Lord.'I rolled my eyes.He shrugged. 'It's short.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["kate-daniels","magic","shifter","urban-fantasy"],"id":175514,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. 'You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?'Nope!'Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["bran","funny","julie","kate","kate-daniels","magic-burns"],"id":183491,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"So you want me to track down a supernaturally fast sniper who can disappear into thin air, retrieve your maps, and do it so nobody finds out what I'm doing or why?''Exactly.'I sighed. 'I'll get the paperwork.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["adventure","kate-daniels","urban-fantasy","werewolf"],"id":195590,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Secret to what?'Secret to shutting you up,' he said. 'I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and'--he raised his hands--'blessed silence.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["chicken-soup","curran","ilona-andrews","kate","kate-daniels","magic-burns","silence"],"id":195972,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"What did I tell you about plastic ties? Only for humans, Julie murmured.If you don't listen to me, I can't teach you anything.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["julie","kate-daniels","parenting"],"id":213467,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":13,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}