{"quotes":[{"text":"It is not a Christmas tree!' said the King, so firmly that all the girls stopped jumping about. 'This is a house of mourning. It is nothing more than a tree. I thought it would look nice. Inside. That is all.","author":"Heather Dixon","tags":["christmas","humerous","king"],"id":18864,"author_id":"Heather+Dixon"},{"text":"You aren’t allowed back until you’ve learned to willingly suspend disbelief.","author":"Rebecca Murphy","tags":["funny","humerous","imagination","plays","theater"],"id":57379,"author_id":"Rebecca+Murphy"},{"text":"If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.","author":"Matshona Dhliwayo","tags":["boyfriend-and-girlfriend","boyfriend","bride","couple","fun","funny","funny","girlfriend","god","groom","humerous","husband","man","marital-advice","marital-issues","marital-problems","marriage","matrimony","relationship-advice-for-men","relationship-advice","relationship","relationships-101","trouble","wife"],"id":71245,"author_id":"Matshona+Dhliwayo"},{"text":"Ish #21 'Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!","author":"Regina Griffin","tags":["funny-as-hell","funny-but-true","funny","humerous","humor"],"id":78760,"author_id":"Regina+Griffin"},{"text":"Everybody's always doing the same old things--- you know, doing unto others before they can do unto you.","author":"Michael Lee West","tags":["doing-unto-others","gossip","humerous","small-town-life"],"id":114204,"author_id":"Michael+Lee+West"},{"text":"Alan Grant: 'There are... Far too many words written. Millions and millions of them pouring from the presses every minute. It's a horrible thought.' The Midget (his nurse): 'You sound constipated.","author":"Josephine Tey","tags":["humerous","philosophical"],"id":116124,"author_id":"Josephine+Tey"},{"text":"Two wrongs never add up to a right. But it's okay, I always sucked at maths.","author":"EverSkeptic","tags":["humerous","humour","mathematica-reality","mathematics"],"id":126624,"author_id":"EverSkeptic"},{"text":"Rich old people are more attractive than poor old people, so by all means, try to get rich before age sets in. Otherwise, you'll just be playing catch-up for the rest of your life and that will just wear you out, let me tell you.","author":"Jill Conner Browne","tags":["aging","financial-planning","humerous","senior-citizen","sweet-potato-queens"],"id":147557,"author_id":"Jill+Conner+Browne"},{"text":"You raise them half-decent, and they grow up and leave. They move to Miami or California-- someplace with gourmet groceries and nude beaches because you've reared them to cook good and be liberal minded. It's just the opposite with your failures-- them kids stick to your tail like a cocklebur. You'd think it would be the other way around, but it's not. No matter how old I get, this will always amaze me.","author":"Michael Lee West","tags":["adult-children","grown-children","humerous","parenthood","problem-children","raising-children"],"id":211136,"author_id":"Michael+Lee+West"},{"text":"We all look back at some time or other and wonder why we didn't listen to our instincts. Why did we hestiate? Why did we lose our dreams?","author":"Diane Griffith","tags":["descriptive","greek-island","heart-warming","humerous","travel","true-adventure","vw-camper"],"id":211630,"author_id":"Diane+Griffith"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":14,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}