Some people just needed to be stolen from.
— Eoin ColferThe humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.
— Eoin ColferYou know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it.This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.
— Eoin ColferOrion brightened. 'I have an idea.'Yes?' said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained.'Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other.
— Eoin ColferThey were in a position of total ignorance and people in that position often died without being enlightened.
— Eoin ColferThe Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.
— Eoin ColferOrion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?”“Cheese made by dwarfs.”“Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .”“No. What a horrible thought.”“Exactly.
— Eoin ColferWhy can't I solve this problem by killing someone? She though petulantly, then comforted herself with the mantra that had kept her going in prison: 'Soon all the humans will be dead,' she said, droning in the time-honored fashion of gurus everywhere. 'And then Opal will be loved.'And even if I'm not loved, she thought, at least all the humans will be dead.
— Eoin ColferCertain battles were won by retreating.
— Eoin ColferFriendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.
— Eoin Colfer