{"quotes":[{"text":"If you put the wrong foods in your body, you are contaminated and dirty and your stomach swells. Then the voice says, Why did you do that? Don't you know better? Ugly and wicked, you are disgusting to me.","author":"Bethany Pierce","tags":["anorexia","anorexic","bulimia","bulimic","depression","eating-disorder","eating-disorders","ed","mental-illness","ocd"],"id":2326,"author_id":"Bethany+Pierce"},{"text":"More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.","author":"Mokokoma Mokhonoana","tags":["adage","adages","africa","african","anorexia","anorexic","aphorism","aphorisms","appetite","axiom","axioms","bmi","body-fat","body-mass-index","cheat-day","cheat-days","clean","deep","dictum","dictums","diet","dietician","dieticians","dietitian","dietitians","epigram","epigrams","exercise","exercises","fat","fatty","food","funny","gnome","gnomes","gym","gymnasium","health","healthy","hose","humor","humorous","humour","ingredient","ingredients","insightful","lean","lose-weight","made-me-think","make-you-think","maxim","maxims","mud","muscles","muscular","necessary","necessity","obese","obesity","overeat","overeater","overeating","overweight","philosopher","pig","pigs","profound","proverb","proverbs","provoke-thought","quotation","quotations","quote","of-the-day","quotes","recipe","recipes","roll","rolling","salad","salads","satire","satirical","saying","sayings","shred","shredded","skinny","south-africa","south-african","spotless","sugar","sugary","thought-provoking","thoughtful","underweight","watch-what-you-eat","weight","weight-loss","weight-to-height","weightlifter","weightlifting","workout"],"id":45938,"author_id":"Mokokoma+Mokhonoana"},{"text":"One weekend it rained for 48 hours without stopping. The rain beat like bony fingers against the window panes. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Fungus was growing on the walls. I polished off a bottle of gin sitting huddled over the two-bar electric fire and wrote a poem, one of the few that has lasted through the moves and the years. It is called 'Where Can I Go?'If this is not the place where tears are understood where do I go to cry? If this is not the place where my spirits can take wing where do I go to fly?If this is not the place where my feelings can be heard where do I go to speak? If this is not the place where you’ll accept me as I am where can I go to be me? If this is not the place where I can try and learn and grow where can I go to laugh and cry?","author":"Alice Jamieson","tags":["acceptance","alcoholic","alcoholism","anoretic","anorexia","anorexic","cry","depression","learn","mental-health","poem","rejection","sadness"],"id":90278,"author_id":"Alice+Jamieson"},{"text":"I think maybe they come out into the grounds in nightwear. But no, in typical anorexic stype they have read the fashion magazines literally. This is their version of thin girls in strappy clothes.The girl in the petticoat talks to me, as Emma has done on occsasion, in a rather grand style, as if she is a 'lady' of some substance and I a visiting guest.Do they chat much about clothes? I ask Emma in the car.She shakes her head.So, does she, Emma, see the difference between underwear or nightwear and 'going out' clothes?'Yes,' she says, her voices strained again. 'But it's one of the things you don't know properly when you're ill and confused. You see these pictures and the people in the magazines are real for you.","author":"Carol Lee","tags":["anorexia","anorexia-nervosa","anorexic","fashion-magazine","mental-illness","reality"],"id":154625,"author_id":"Carol+Lee"},{"text":"Doesn' t she care what she does to her family? ' people will ask. ' How can she starve herself like that? 'She has fallen into bad company, been influenced from within by something she thought she could control, but which has ended up controlling.","author":"Carol Lee","tags":["anorexia","anorexic","mental-illness","unhealthy-coping"],"id":233097,"author_id":"Carol+Lee"},{"text":"While she is still hospitalised, I take Emma out for strengthening walks, for her muscles and been under-used for a long time. She is sometimes breathless, I notice with concern, and there are other changes in her, either through a nerve her therapy touches, or through her illness, or both, which make her, quite often, disagreeable to be with.","author":"Carol Lee","tags":["anoreix-nervosa","anorexia","anorexic","eating-disorder-recovery","mental-illness"],"id":334993,"author_id":"Carol+Lee"},{"text":"Pierre Janet, a French professor of psychology who became prominent in the early twentieth century, attempted to fully chronicle late- Victorian hysteria in his landmark work The Major Symptoms of Hysteria. His catalogue of symptoms was staggering, and included somnambulism (not sleepwalking as we think of it today, but a sort of amnesiac condition in which the patient functioned in a trance state, or 'second state,' and later remembered nothing); trances or fits of sleep that could last for days, and in which the patient sometimes appeared to be dead; contractures or other disturbances in the motor functions of the limbs; paralysis of various parts of the body; unexplained loss of the use of a sense such as sight or hearing; loss of speech; and disruptions in eating that could entail eventual refusal of food altogether. Janet's profile was sufficiently descriptive of Mollie Fancher that he mentioned her by name as someone who 'seems to have had all possible hysterical accidents and attacks.' In the face of such strange and often intractable 'attacks,' many doctors who treated cases of hysteria in the 1800s developed an ill-concealed exasperation.","author":"Michelle Stacey","tags":["amnesia","anorexia","anorexic","conversion-disorder","dissociative-identity-disorder","eating-disorder","faith","fancher","fasting","janet","mental-health","mental-illness","miracle","mollie-fancher","mpd","multiple-personality-disorder","paralysis","pierre-janet","psychological","psychology","religion","sleepwalking","spiritualism","spirituality","starvation","trance","victoria-medecine"],"id":374868,"author_id":"Michelle+Stacey"},{"text":"Why?’ She nods. ‘She had everything: a family who loved her, friends, activities. Her mother wants to know why she threw it all away?’ Why you want to know why? Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and falls off, roll in coarse salt, then put on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight.\tSmoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all ‘A disappointment.’ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everythingsinglething is wrong with you. ‘Why?’ is the wrong question. Ask ‘Why not?","author":"Laurie Halse Anderson","tags":["anorexia","anorexia-nervosa","anorexic","self-harm","starve","suicide","why"],"id":400681,"author_id":"Laurie+Halse+Anderson"},{"text":"My reflection followed me mercilessly in mirrors, car doors, shop windows. I lived in a world of circus mirrors, the grotesque distortion of my body looking back at me everywhere.","author":"Bethany Pierce","tags":["anorexia","anorexic","eating-disorder","ed","mental-illness","ocd","tw"],"id":423277,"author_id":"Bethany+Pierce"},{"text":"I remember, when I was about ten years old, working out that I would be thirty-six in the year 2000. It seemed so far away, so old, so unreal. And here I am, a fucked, crazy, anorexic-alcoholic-childless beautiful woman. I never dreamed it would be like this.","author":"Tracey Emin","tags":["alcoholic","anorexic","dreams","future","loneliness","mental-health","reality"],"id":434952,"author_id":"Tracey+Emin"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":12,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}