{"author":"Steven Wright","author_id":"Steven+Wright","total_quotes":106,"quotes":[{"text":"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["fight","same","room "],"id":5439,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["humor"],"id":11125,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was 'Quote' so the last thing I said before I died would be 'Unquote.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["humor"],"id":16680,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["me","people","stop "],"id":18347,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["want","politicians","like "],"id":19041,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I spilled spot remover on my dog now he's gone. ","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["funny","humor"],"id":20845,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["fishing","humor"],"id":23755,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["humor","self-improvement"],"id":34948,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["time","walking","you "],"id":35433,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"},{"text":"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.","author":"Steven Wright","tags":["humor","irony","nobel-peace-prize"],"id":39306,"author_id":"Steven+Wright"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":106,"pages":11,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}