{"author":"Stephen Colbert","author_id":"Stephen+Colbert","total_quotes":70,"quotes":[{"text":"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["christ","christian","christian-behavior","poor","religion","selfish"],"id":4293,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"It's back to school time. Or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["school"],"id":17721,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["humor"],"id":24497,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["children","humor"],"id":29389,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["motto","facts","you "],"id":38942,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["work"],"id":43334,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"That's my parenting style - 'Go watch the TV.' I'm one of 11 children, and my mother's parenting style was, 'There's the TV. Go watch it. Mommy's got 10 other people to take care of.'.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["children","mother","style "],"id":48327,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["humor","truth"],"id":53442,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to be accountable for every one of our actions, we'd be crippled with indecision. But with religion pointing the way, we can feel confident in our choice to picket our children's elementary school when we find out the art teacher is gay.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["blame","hate","humor","ignorance","religion","responsibility","satire"],"id":56961,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"},{"text":"Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.","author":"Stephen Colbert","tags":["life"],"id":57409,"author_id":"Stephen+Colbert"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":70,"pages":7,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}