{"author":"Ilona Andrews","author_id":"Ilona+Andrews","total_quotes":136,"quotes":[{"text":"No more tubs for me.' I jumped off the bed and pulled on a pair of Pack sweats. 'They make me lose all sense.'Curran sprawled on the bed with a big self-satisfied smile. 'Want to know a secret?'Sure.'It's not the bathtub, baby.'Well, aren't we smug. I picked up the corner of the lowest mattress and made a show of looking under it.'What are you looking for?'A pea Your Majesty.'What?'You heard me.'I jumped back as he lunged and his fingers missed me by an inch.'Getting slow in your old age.'I thought you liked it slow.'A flashback to last night mugged me and my mind executed a full stop.He laughed. 'Ran out of snappy comebacks?'Hush. I'm trying to think of one.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["curran","hilarious","ilona-andrews","kate","magic"],"id":3537,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"We can get you a throne with snakes. I’ll stand next to you and roar at anybody who fails to grovel. Fear Kate Daniels. She is a mighty and terrible ruler. Grendel can anoint the petitioners with his vomit. It’ll be great . . .","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["curran","fun","grendel","humor","irony","kate","throne","vomit"],"id":14724,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Torch strode over and stared at the fiver'What's this?'Some change for you. Buy your flunkies some decent clothes.' I dipped my fingers into the jar and smeared think fragrant paste on my face. Torch frowned, mirroring the expression on my aunt's face.'Change?'Oh, for crying out loud. 'It's money. We don't use coins as currency now, we use paper money.' He stared at me. 'I'm insulting you! I'm saying your poor, like a beggar, because your undead are in rags. I'm offering to clothe your servants for you, because you can't provide for them. Come on, how thick do you have to be?'He jerked his hand up. A jet of flame erupted from his fingers, sliding against the ward. I jerked back from the windows on instinct. The fire died. I leaned forward. 'Do you understand now?' More fire. 'What's the matter? Was that not enough money?","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["erra","ilona-andrews","kate","magic-bleeds","poor"],"id":25990,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"So crosses don't do anything against your kind?' Sean asked.'No,' Arland said. 'There is no mystical force repelling us.'Then why?'We're forbidden to kill a creature in a moment of prayer or invocation of their deity. Well, we can, technically, but you have to do penance and purify yourself and nobody wants to spend weeks praying and bathing themselves in the sacred cave springs. The water's only a fraction warmer than ice. When one of you holds up a cross, it's difficult to determine whether you're praying, invoking, or just waving it around. So the sane strategy is to back away.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["humor","vampires"],"id":26131,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Did those nice church ladies come by again?' He nodded. 'I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["andrea","ascanio","awesome","church","funny","hilarious","kate-daniels","threesome"],"id":28337,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"No matter what happens, you will always be Pack. Because you have that loyalty and restraint. Not human, not whatever, but Kate. Unique and different, but not separate.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["acceptance"],"id":28539,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"I ripped my left arm out of his hand and slammed my elbow into his solar plexus. He exhaled in a gasp. I lunged for the dagger and sat on top of him, my knees pinning his arms, my dagger on his throat.He lay still. “I give up,” he said and smiled. “Your move.”Er. I was sitting atop the Beast Lord in my underwear, holding a knife to his throat. What the hell was my next move?","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["curran","humor","kate"],"id":29391,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["annoyed","doomsday","humour","nosy-officers","sarcasm"],"id":32757,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"I once took a city with five men and a lame goat. If I can do that, you can convince the necromancers to pledge themselves to you. Do this or die.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["humor","inspiration"],"id":35048,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"},{"text":"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount.'Audrey heaved a mock sigh. 'Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then.'Gnome choked on the soup. 'I'm old enough to be your grandfather!'Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. 'But you're not.","author":"Ilona Andrews","tags":["audrey","fate-s-edge","funny","gnome","ilona-andrews","the-edge"],"id":36114,"author_id":"Ilona+Andrews"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":136,"pages":14,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}