{"author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick","total_quotes":18,"quotes":[{"text":"I cannot help but wonder if any parents ever actually schedule in adolescent drama on their day planners. Looks like a slow week, Sarah. I guess I can pencil in your eating disorder.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["drama","parents","teenage"],"id":31398,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"Is Jase already gonna marry you?” I start coughing again. “Uh, No. No, George. I’m only seventeen.” As if that’s the only reason we’re not engaged. “I’m this many.” George holds up four, slightly grubby fingers. “But Jase is seventeen and a half. You could. Then you could live in here with him. And have a big family.” Jase strides back into the room, of course, midway through this proposition. “George. Beat it. Discovery Channel is on.” George backs out of the room but not before saying, “His bed’s really comfortable. And he never pees in it.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["george","humour","jase","samantha"],"id":90647,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","humour","romance","young-adult","young-adult-romance"],"id":119397,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"The combined odors of Cass's subtle aftershave and the disgusting reek of Nic are overpowering. I wonder if Cass will keel over and I'll have to perform CPR. This speculation should not feel so much like a fantasy.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["aftershave","cass","cpr","fantasy","funny"],"id":176969,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"This is Sailor Supergirl,” George says. “She knows all about black holes.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","humour","romance","young-adult","young-adult-romance"],"id":204743,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","humour","romance","young-adult","young-adult-romance"],"id":227914,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"Jase props himself up on an elbow, looking at me for a minute without saying anything. His face gets an unreadable expression, and I wish I could take back walking over.Then he observes, “I’m guessing that’s a uniform.”Crap. I’d forgotten I was still wearing it.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","humour","romance","young-adult","young-adult-romance"],"id":228353,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"I sit up, edge over close to my window, and push it open, slipping one leg in, then the next, turning back to Jase. “Come on.” His smile flashes in the gathering dark as his eyebrows lift, but he climbs carefully in as I lock my bedroom door.“Be still,” I tell him. “Now I’m going to learn all about you.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["bedroom","smile"],"id":230015,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"I scoop a clattering cascade of green apple Jelly Bellys into the white paper bag and remember when we were seven. I got stung by a jellyfish. Tim cried because his mother, and mine, wouldn’t let him pee on my leg, which he’d heard was an antidote to the sting.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","kids","ya"],"id":249570,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"},{"text":"I like eggs and bacon,” George tells me. “But”—his face clouds—“do you know that bacon is”—tears leap to his eyes—“Wilbur?” Mrs. Garrett sits down next to him immediately. “George, we’ve been through this. Remember? Wilbur did not get made into bacon.” “That’s right.” I bend down too as wetness overflows George’s lashes. “Charlotte the spider saved him. He lived a long and happy life—with Charlotte’s daughters, um, Nelly and Urania and—” “Joy,” Mrs. Garrett concludes. “You, Samantha, are a keeper. I hope you don’t shoplift.”I start to cough. “No. Never.” “Then is bacon Babe, Mom? Is it Babe?”“No, no, Babe’s still herding sheep. Bacon is not Babe. Bacon is only made from really mean pigs,George.” Mrs. Garrett strokes his hair, then brushes his tears away.“Bad pigs,” I clarify.“There are bad pigs?” George looks nervous. Oops.“Well, pigs with, um, no soul.” That doesn’t sound good either. I cast around for a good explanation. “Like the animals that don’t talk in Narnia.” Dumb. George is four. Would he know Narnia yet? He’s still at Curious George.But understanding lights his face. “Oh. That’s okay then. ’Cause I really like bacon.","author":"Huntley Fitzpatrick","tags":["funny","george-george-george","kids"],"id":251557,"author_id":"Huntley+Fitzpatrick"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":18,"pages":2,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}