{"author":"George Carlin","author_id":"George+Carlin","total_quotes":143,"quotes":[{"text":"If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["comedy","hilarious","stand-up"],"id":1431,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"Weather forecast for tonight: dark.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["humorous"],"id":1465,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["comedy","funny","humor"],"id":6285,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["humor","life","school"],"id":9020,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["dinner","party","person "],"id":13515,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["noremorse","thought-police","war"],"id":26040,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["perspective"],"id":27163,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["vices","foibles"],"id":33083,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re always talking about “What would Jesus do?” They don’t wanna know so they can do it – they just wanna know so they can tell other people to do it!","author":"George Carlin","tags":["america","religion"],"id":34424,"author_id":"George+Carlin"},{"text":"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.","author":"George Carlin","tags":["comedy","george-carlin","humor","philosophy"],"id":36243,"author_id":"George+Carlin"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":143,"pages":15,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}