{"author":"Eoin Colfer","author_id":"Eoin+Colfer","total_quotes":100,"quotes":[{"text":"Some people just needed to be stolen from.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["artemis-fowl","conscience","eoin-colfer","stealing","thief"],"id":1910,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["humour"],"id":2844,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["artemis-fowl","inspirational","thought-provoking"],"id":3413,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"It was no time for mercy, it was time to terminate with extreme prejudice.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["butler","mercy"],"id":5524,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["humor"],"id":10262,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"How do I love thee? Wondered Orion. 'Let me see. I love thee passionately and eternally...Obviously eternally-that goes without saying.' Holly blinked sweat from her eyes. 'Is he serious?' she called over her shoulder to Foaly. 'Oh, absolutely,' said the centaur 'If he asks you to look for birthmarks, say no immediately.' 'Oh, I would never.' Orion assured her. 'Ladies don't look for birthmarks; that is work for jolly fellows like the Goodly Beast and myself. Ladies, like Miss Short, do enough by simply existing. They exude beauty, and that is enough.' 'I am not exuding anything.' said Holly, through gritted teeth. Orion tapped her shoulder. 'I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.' Holly gripped the wheel tightly. 'I'm going to be sick. Did he just say pastel blue?' 'And dolphins, little ones,' said Foaly.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["atlantis-complex","foaly","holly","orion","romance"],"id":36167,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["artemis","code","eoin-colfer","eternity","fowl"],"id":40825,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"Who are you?' he asked.I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["evil-overlord","fun","humor","megalomania","world-domination"],"id":43033,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["holly-short","humor"],"id":49848,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"},{"text":"[Artemis] returned to the aft bay for Mulch's version of a briefing. The dwarf had drawn a crude diagram on a backlit wall panel. In fairness, there were more artistic chimpanzees. And less pungent ones. Mulch was using a carrot as a pointer, or more accurately, several carrots. Dwarfs liked carrots. 'This is Koboi Labs,' He mumbled around a mouthful of vegetable. 'That?' exclaimed Root. 'I realize, Julius, that it is not an accurate schematic.'The Commander exploded from his chair. 'An accurate schematic? It's a rectangle for heaven's sake!'Mulch was unperturbed. 'That's not important. This is the important bit.' 'That wobbly line?' 'It's a fissure,' pouted the dwarf. 'Anybody can see that.''Anybody in kindergarten maybe. So it's a fissure, so what?''This is the clever bit. Y'see that fissure is not usually there.'Root began strangling the air again. Something he was doing more and more lately.","author":"Eoin Colfer","tags":["carrot-top","diagram","dwarf","humor","humorous"],"id":50855,"author_id":"Eoin+Colfer"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":100,"pages":10,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}