{"author":"Augusten Burroughs","author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs","total_quotes":53,"quotes":[{"text":"I could not imagine the kind of person that would, upon seeing a crazy talcum-powder-covered Southern lady think to herself, Hmmmm, she might make a great new friend. The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["humor","insanity"],"id":5218,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I'm telling you.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["awkward","confidence","getting-it-right","self-confidence"],"id":6986,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"It's a wonder I'm even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can't believe I haven't killed myself. But there's something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there always is one, and that everything can change when it comes.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["hope","suicide","tomorrow"],"id":34548,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["humor"],"id":49639,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I am God' sort of way. Gone were the days when she would stand on the deck lighting lemon-scented candles without then having to eat the wax.P28.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["augusten-burroughs","mother","running-with-scissors"],"id":63071,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["addiction","alcoholic","compassion","recovery"],"id":70512,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["confessions","humor","magical-thinking"],"id":73450,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"I was desperate to discover what nothing felt like. It was the absence of something that attracted me. It was the start. Everything important originated with nothingness.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["dad","empty","nothing","sadness"],"id":77232,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"I love you,' she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["heart","love"],"id":78597,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"},{"text":"And human instinct is ancient and reliable, utterly mysterious and possibly capable of great genius. I believe that refined, fluent instincts are a person's most valuable asset. My own instincts have repeatedly guided me against the grain of logic and probability. When I have trusted and followed their direction, they have never been wrong. I don't know how or why. But I know that every significant experience-positive or negative-sharpens them and makes them more accurate.","author":"Augusten Burroughs","tags":["inspirational","instinct","intuition"],"id":83963,"author_id":"Augusten+Burroughs"}],"pagination":{"page":1,"page_size":10,"total":53,"pages":6,"next":"?page=2\u0026page_size=10"}}