There are times in life when we need to use sarcasm to express what we feel. That’s why today I’m bringing you the best and short sarcastic status and sarcastic quotes that you can share on Facebook, Whatsapp or send them by message to anyone you want.We live in an increasingly sarcastic society. Television programs, radio, the Internet and other media often use irony to criticize unfair facts. When we have suffered out of love, we have come across false and envious people, bad people who have hurt us or betrayed us, we need to say a few words with a touch of twisted humor and intelligence that will make them see how they have acted. On the other hand, sometimes you have to give life a funny touch.
Now yes, I leave you with these short ironic sarcastic statuses for your friends, enemies, ex, boyfriend or girlfriend. I haven’t chosen any particular order, so I advise you to read them all. And if you have any to contribute, the readers and I will be happy to read them in the comments.
Every bad situation will have something positive, Even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day. Think positive=SUCCESS
If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…
I have a busy day ahead: I have trouble to start, rumors to spread, and people to argue with.
I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
If a mute person burps, does it make a sound?
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Oxymoron: When an astronaut feels under the weather.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?
Death is hereditary.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not
I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
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Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while brilliant hide it in their smile.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink.
That’s so sweet when couples act like bestfriends and bestfriends act like couples.
You go girl! And don’t come back.
I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
War doesn’t determine who’s right—it determines who’s left.
Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Do not go where a path may lead. Instead go where there is no path and leave a trail.
I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.
Grammar is important. Commas save lives, as in this example: “Let’s eat grandpa.” vs “Let’s eat, grandpa.”
Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!!
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
If there is a *WILL*, there are 500 relatives.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies
If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English.
If you like me, tell Me. if you miss me show it and if you love me, PROVE IT
Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!
I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff and I want it.
I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
We are born with two options: to be slave or master of our destiny.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you’re saying what you really think of them.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
Facebook is telling me to “reconnect” with my brother…hmmm, I see him everyday.
That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it.
I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Life’s a bitch; if it were easy it’d be a slut.
People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out He didn’t work that way—so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness.
How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.
I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button
That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.
Don’t let your mind wander—it’s too little to be let out alone.
Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Love is not a matter of counting the years… But making the years count.
I once stood in the back and said, “Everyone attack!” but it didn’t turn into a Ballroom Blitz.
Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off.
We always overestimate our worries & underestimate our potential.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Every single moment counts. When you add them all up, they equal your life.
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.
You can ignore me for as long as you want, but you can never change the memories that I brought in your life.
Don’t look now, but I’m hiding under your bed.
I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort.
I decided to cancel my Twitter account. I don’t want to sound paranoid, but I was pretty sure people were following me.
It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen.
I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
You’d be in good shape…if you ran as much as your mouth.
Love has 4 letters, but so does Hate; Friends has 7 letters, but so does Enemies; Truth has 5 letters, but so does Lying.
Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “You can’t fire me, I quit!”
How long do you think it would take to solve a Rubik’s cube if you were color blind?
When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
Two word’s guys hate DON’T and STOP, unless you put them together 🙂
Wishes are always granted but you just have to wait for the perfect time.
I have an oven with a “stop time” button. It’s probably meant to be “stop timer,” but I don’t touch it, just in case.
If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.